We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
