I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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