??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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