did you get engaged???
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
