i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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