I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
