it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
