The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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