He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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