I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
