I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
