Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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