I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
