So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
