I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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