Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
