made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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