Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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