chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
