I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
