It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
