There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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