After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
