The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
