k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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