pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
