Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize