I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
