I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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