Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
