I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He passed out mid-signature
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
