Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I woke up under a house in Key West
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