it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
