Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
