Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
