I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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