She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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