he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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