You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize