i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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