please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
