No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
