You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
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