her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
