i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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