I want to have your abortion
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
