so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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