Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
