New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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