I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
