Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize