I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
