How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it glows. i had to have it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
