We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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