1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
