So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We are two peas in an std pod
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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