Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
