Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
