yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
