What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
