he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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