Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
