Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
