if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
