another moral hangover. fuck.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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