I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
