Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
