On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm too high and old for this...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
