Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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