You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
