Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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