I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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