he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
