I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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