We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
