Im at strip club and am horny
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
