Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize