im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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