thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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