I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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