she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
