as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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