i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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