I think I died a long time ago.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
not ubering you a puppy
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
