...so i touched it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
