if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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