there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
