Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
