Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
