I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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