i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
there is glitter all over my balls
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
