that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
where are you?
Hypothermia
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
