bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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